Does your Halloween rager really need a Partiful invite?

There are certain social media rules we can all agree on: Ghosting a conversation is impolite, and replying “k” to a text is the equivalent of a backhand slap (violent, wrong, and rude). But what about the rest of the rules? When can we really remind someone of our old Venmo request? What happens when someone tries to flirt with you on LinkedIn?

Fortunately, terminally online writers Delia Cai and Steffi Cao are here to answer all your digital quandaries, big or small. Welcome to Fast Company’s new advice column, Posting Playbook. This week, Steffi addresses the question of what to do when your coworker keeps sending you political content on Slack.

What is the framework for determining whether a gathering needs a Partiful?

This is possibly the social question du jour. It’s that time of year again where, as the dregs of summer meet the first anxious panic of an impending winter, everyone is hosting some kind of event. Birthday parties, Halloween events, housewarmings, “let’s hang out before it gets too cold” picnics. Everyone wants to send a Partiful, no matter how big or small, as we attempt to prove to ourselves that summer is only over when we say it’s over.

Love her or hate her, Partiful has filled the power vacuum that Facebook Events left behind to become the reigning champion of mass online invitation. She provides that same ease of sending out save-the-dates without individually texting 40 people, but she’s more artistically designed and easier to use for those of us who are Canva-challenged.

Naturally, it’s easy to want to do too much on the app. Girl’s night out with six people? Send a Partiful. Movie night at a friend’s house? Send a Partiful. Book club meeting? Hit publish on that fucking Partiful. It’s so easy. We’re like children binging on the sugar of convenience and pretty graphics. “I hate getting a Partiful link and no text invite,” one friend confessed to me. “It feels impersonal.”

I do believe in a threshold for a Partiful, and here’s my guideline: if your event can be organized in one group chat, it is not worth the Partiful. If it takes you more clicks to make the invitation and scroll through the premade graphics than copy-paste the same message invitation to your invitees, it is not worth the Partiful. I love changing around the background of my event as much as the next person, but there must be a limit to this. If it’s actually more complicated to make the Partiful than it is to text someone, stop yourself before hitting the “Create Event” button. That’s my rule, and I am correct about this. No one wants yet another link from a random number when the ultimate IRL event is four people grabbing brunch. Look at the news cycle. Look at the cost of living. We may as well use our phones for their intended purpose—to directly communicate with each other when we can.

Every sugar high comes with a crash, and we have already begun to see the frustrations with unchecked Partiful etiquette seep to the surface. And while I don’t think it’s necessarily impolite to send a link without an additional personal text invite, I do think it’s relatively annoying to send a Partiful link before considering if it’s easier to just text your friends. If we’re just going for drinks and a movie, and there’s not even a theme for the gathering, I don’t see a reason for me to click into a separate platform and RSVP.

Do you really need to reply to every birthday DM?

Listen, I try to hit everyone back with at least a heart hands emoji or a quick “tyyy.” But sometimes it slips under the radar with the many other birthday messages. (Sorry, don’t mean to flex like that.) That being said, yes, I definitely still think it’s a little bit of a jerk move. Like, who am I to miss typing a very quick thank you? But we’ve all been guilty of jerky behavior, and in the grand scheme of jerkiness, this isn’t so bad. It’s simply not worth overthinking.