Do these 4 things to be a better interviewer and conversationalist

It’s truly a toss-up who dreads Q&As more after a presentation—the presenter or the audience. Conventional wisdom dictates that it should be the presenter, but experience has taught me that it’s actually the audience who deserves our sympathy.

That’s because every professional gathering that has opened the floor to audience questions throughout history has typically included one type of person. I’m talking about the individual whose so-called “question” is really just a thinly veiled attempt to monologue, self-promote, or divert attention away from the topic they were supposed to be paying attention to.

If you’ve managed to avoid them at a conference or industry event to date, consider yourself lucky. But unless you completely withdraw from social interactions, you’re bound to encounter a bad question directed at you or others sooner or later. Job interviews, news broadcasts, team meetings, restaurants, and especially podcasts are fertile grounds for poorly phrased questions and awkward, disjointed conversations.

It takes two to tango. But outside of mathematics, it’s just as true that two negatives don’t make a positive. So, if you find yourself steering a one-on-one conversation or have unexpectedly become the focal point and lubricant of a group discussion, let me offer some guidance.

I’ve spent 12 years as a historian preparing, conducting, and analyzing hundreds of interviews on a range of topics. And no matter what your job might be, the following tips are helpful for anyone seeking relief in challenging social or professional situations, where keeping a conversation flowing smoothly is paramount.

1. Make it a conversation, not a deposition

One of my most memorable moments before an interview even began happened earlier this year. As we were setting up to interview a prominent lawyer, our interviewee playfully remarked, “Is this a deposition?”

Now, that person made the comment in jest, but it has since become the most valuable piece of advice I follow before meeting with individuals who’ve generously volunteered their time to speak with me.

Forcing a rigid list of preprepared interview questions is the quickest way to alienate your conversation partner and turn the interview into a deposition. Instead, embrace “flexibility within structure.” That means preparing just a few key questions to kick things off or help navigate any lulls, while focusing on broader themes throughout the conversation.

2. Prepare, but don’t over-prepare

Professional interviewers will quickly tell you that the time and effort spent on preparing for an interview far outweighs the actual time spent conducting it.

That is true. However, it is important to note that over-preparing in an attempt to appear more knowledgeable than the interviewee can backfire. Remember the purpose of an interview. It’s to gather insights from someone who, whether you agree or not, knows more than you. At the very least, they offer a perspective different from your own.

Don’t let insecurity lead to role reversal. While it’s important to speak your interviewee’s language and familiarize yourself with their background, avoid overshadowing them or taking the spotlight.

3. Don’t hide your personality

When interviewing someone with a larger-than-life personality or an impressive résumé, it’s easy to fall into the “wallflower” trap. Giving the interviewee room to showcase their achievements and express their views shouldn’t diminish your own presence in the conversation. Otherwise, you risk getting steamrolled, or worse, losing their interest altogether. Personal anecdotes, facial expressions, body language, and occasional humor can go a long way in reminding the interviewee that they’re engaging with a real person, not an AI chatbot.

Instead of viewing your interactions with a senior figure as a zero-sum game or a needlessly deferential gesture, remind yourself that the most meaningful conversations are two-way streets, not one-way roads.

4. Introduce time limits

Like perishable foods, every interview has an expiration date. At some point, the quality of the conversation begins to decline. While every interviewee has a different stamina for social interaction, it’s generally best to keep a single interview session under 90 minutes (the table limit in most North American restaurants for one to three people): 45 to 60 minutes is the ideal duration. Setting a time limit creates a creative constraint for both the interviewer and interviewee, encouraging them to sharpen their questions and responses.

No one wants to linger in a social situation longer than necessary, and the same holds true for interviews. If your interviewee has more to share than a single session allows, consider scheduling a follow-up (or even a third). As an added benefit, the time between interviews often sparks fresh insights and deeper reflections.