A few years ago, I was in the middle of an important client meeting when my phone started vibrating. Buzz. Buzz. Not wanting to be impolite, I kept my focus on my client. Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. Finally, I excused myself, peeked at my screen, and saw a string of texts from my son, increasing in urgency. The last few read simply: MOM. MOM. MOM.
As the mother of three teenage boys, I had gotten texts like these before. There was no way to know how badly my son needed me: Was he just locked out of the house? Or was this a true, red-alarm emergency?
In the end, he was fine—no blood or broken bones, no panic attacks or thoughts of self-harm. But as a parent and caregivers, these are the moments that send your heart rate through the roof. In the conference room that day, I was in two places at once. And I felt like no one else could know.
That was the day I realized I’d gotten something important wrong about parenting. When my boys became teens, I figured the “hard part” was over. But in fact, it was just beginning.
At exactly the moment our kids are going through some of the toughest years of their lives—facing bullying, pressures from social media and mental health challenges in record numbers—benefits and support programs for parents tend to disappear.
In place of paid parental leave, pamphlets on feeding and sleep training, and friends and colleagues asking how we’re doing (and how they can help!), we face an endless stream of advice that only reinforces the sense of shame that so many of us feel: Here’s how to get your kid into a top college! Here’s how to turn your angsty teen into a happy, healthy, successful adult!
Often implicit in all of this is possible judgment (or the feeling of being judged) that if our kids are struggling, it’s our fault. That with enough screen time monitoring and elbow grease, these challenges can be optimized away.
But parents don’t need more advice. They need recognition and support.
In recent years, the U.S. has made great strides in acknowledging the importance of supporting new parents. Thanks to tireless advocacy, policies like paid parental leave, affordable childcare, and flexible schedules have gone from fringe “family” issues to core economic ones. They’re discussed on presidential debate stages, integral to competitive benefit packages, and a key part of any serious conversation about the cost of living.
The data on the economic impact of raising healthy kids in psychologically safe, loving environments—and giving parents and caregivers the tools they need to do this—is undeniable. And research has shown employers with strong policies can see the positive impact on their businesses firsthand, in the form of improved employee productivity, better recruitment and stronger retention.
Of course, we’re nowhere near where we need to be; paid leave and affordable childcare remain inaccessible to too many. But we have changed the conversation around how we acknowledge, value and support parents of young kids—and with it, the lives of millions of people.
Now it’s time we did the same for all parents and caregivers—finding new and better ways to support people whose sleepless nights don’t involve changing diapers but, instead, comforting a teen who may be suffering from depression or anxiety.
Solutions won’t look the same as they do for new parents, and if history is any guide, public-sector reform is a long way off. But the first step toward meaningful change is to explore ideas that have a good track record in other contexts and a high likelihood of success. This is where business leaders can lead the way.
We can start by recognizing that parents of kids at any age are still, and forever, parents. We can offer schedule flexibility for caregivers of all types. Robust coverage for mental health treatment. Family leave that includes caring for teens in crisis. Tools for team leaders. And resource groups for parents and caregivers of adolescents. Small changes, like explicitly and proactively stating that caregiver leave can be taken to help a child going through a mental health crisis, can go a long way.
Beyond corporate policies and benefits, supporting parents and caregivers of teens means building a culture of genuine interpersonal support and understanding, where employees feel welcome and included. You don’t need a handbook to do that: No matter where you sit, you can be part of that change today.
I wonder what would have happened around that conference table if, instead of reacting with embarrassment and trying to split my brain in two, I had simply told my client that my teen was in distress and needed me. It might have created a moment of connection and understanding. It might have made my client think about their own experiences, or that of parents on their teams.
By normalizing these conversations and supporting caregivers all the way through their journey, we can make a lasting difference for kids and families—and for businesses and society along with them.
No comments