What to do if your manager keeps watching your Instagram Stories

There are certain social media rules we can all agree on: Ghosting a conversation is impolite, and replying “k” to a text is the equivalent of a backhand slap (violent, wrong, and rude). But what about the rest of the rules? When can we really remind someone of our old Venmo request? What happens when someone tries to flirt with you on LinkedIn?

Fortunately, terminally online writers Delia Cai and Steffi Cao are here to answer all your digital quandaries, big or small. Welcome to Fast Company’s advice column, Posting Playbook. This week, Steffi tackles the problem of what to do when your boss keeps lurking on your profiles.

My manager stalks my socials so much and it makes me uncomfortable. He’s always one of the first people to watch my stories. Should I block him?

There was once a time where an overzealous manager’s behavior ended with a lot of personal questions over cups of eggnog at the office holiday party, but in the social media era, we must now also contend with the fan behavior a manager can exhibit on your socials. I’ve also been in the situation where this exact behavior has been both innocuous and also something more insidious, so I very much understand the fear of it being the latter. I’ve also been the person to repeatedly watch an acquaintance’s story minutes after they post, which always prompts me to scream a string of cuss words because now they’re going to think I’m a fan.

Still, instances like these can easily spark anxieties about if and how your personal life could bleed into work. The last thing anyone wants to hear is, “you seem a bit slow to respond today, is it because you were at the bar last night?” Even if your manager is the sweetest person in the office, and is just viewing because they think you’re cool, it can definitely be awkward to post a photo of the concert you went to last night and have the first viewer be someone you’re going to see in a team meeting at 9 a.m. the next morning.

My first line of defense has always been the off-Slack group chat with work friends that I trust to share these things. They’re the ones who will be able to tell you if he’s just excited because he just thinks your life is super awesome and aesthetic, or if he’s being weird, since they have the same context of this person as you. Keep this group chat off the company computers, too. Company communication channels are only for sharing things you’d be comfortable saying in front of HR, because that’s effectively what you’re doing.

The second course of action is to mute. Mute him from seeing your Stories, your posts, whatever else. If it really is an innocent thing that boils down to admiration or algorithm, he probably won’t notice if your digital activity suddenly drops off the face of the planet. He’s just there to see content, and there will always be content to see. You can live your life in peace, and no one will be the wiser. On the other hand, if it is more intentional and he does notice that your posts have disappeared from his feed, he’d have to bring it up to you in person, which unequivocally makes him the weirdo. And that’s easy to nip in the bud—you can easily draw the boundary with some really professional language like, “Oh, I don’t really know, is this appropriate to talk about at work?” Muting is also great because if you determine that the viewing motivation is innocent, you can just unmute, and bask in the fact that your boss thinks you’re pretty chic and glamorous. And really, isn’t that what we all hope for when we post on social media?

My work crush responds to my Instagram Stories with a lot of fire and 100 emojis. Does this count as flirting?

Yes. Yes it does. I am sending breaking news to everyone that is “platonically” sending fire emojis: You are flirting. Especially if it’s in response to a photo of the poster. I don’t make the rules. But is this a bad thing? Not really! I mean, unless you’re in a relationship with someone where you know it would be an issue, but that’s an entirely different problem.

However, for all of us who are free to send emojis without guilt, you’re probably just a naturally flirtatious person. It doesn’t mean anything has to happen. It doesn’t mean you have to change your behavior. It just means that you’re flirting. What is flirting but talking with charisma? Rizz is a scarce resource these days, so it needs to be celebrated where it can. Bring back flirting! I’m not talking about corny lines and premeditated moves, either. I’m talking about real rizz. Real joie de vivre, the kind of conversation that is airy and complimentary and fizzles with interest.

As for the reader, the same rule applies. Yes, I think it’s flirting, but it doesn’t mean anything has to happen. Your work crush thinks your content is fire and 100! That’s a win for you. The beauty of this is that it’s not really that serious until it is. For now, it’s just emojis.