Want a good mentor? Start by being a good mentee

Working with a mentor is an excellent way to accelerate your career. The relationship can help you gain new skills and prepare you to take on that next big assignment. Finding a mentor and working productively with that person is a key to career success.

I had some extraordinary mentors early in my career, and they accelerated my success in ways I couldn’t have imagined. Now I enjoy helping up-and-coming professionals build their careers. Still, not every mentor-mentee relationship works. A mentor may not be right for the role, or a mentee may not pursue the relationship successfully.

There are ground rules every mentee should practice if the relationship is to succeed. Here are five of the most important ones:

1. CHOOSE AN APPROPRIATE MENTOR

Obviously, the first step is choosing an appropriate mentor. To do this, you’ll need to decide on the skills or area where you want to progress and find someone who can give you that specific support.

If you want to progress in a technical area, select a mentor who is known for their skills in that field. Or if you want to be a better communicator, choose someone with those skills. If you want to progress into a leadership role, find a mentor who is a recognized leader.

Just make sure your desired skills are aligned with what the mentor can teach you. And choose someone whose track record impresses you. That way you can be sure you’ll want to learn from this person.

2. MAKE YOUR GOALS CLEAR

Second, when you approach a possible mentor, explain clearly why you’ve chosen that person and what your goals are. Prepare that pitch carefully—it will help define the relationship.

I once heard about a young woman who was in her company cafeteria and saw a senior executive she wanted to have as her mentor. So, she walked up to that person and said, “I want you to be my mentor.” She hadn’t prepared her script so when the senior woman asked “why,” the younger woman was speechless. That was the end of that.

Always go prepared with a compelling script, one that shows exactly what you would like to learn and why you believe that senior person can teach you those skills. (For a deeper understanding of how to create a networking script, see my book, The Job Seeker’s Script.)

3. FOLLOW THE MENTOR’S ADVICE

I know that may seem obvious but from my experience, mentees don’t always do this. Ignoring this guidance is a good way to discourage your mentor from helping you further.

Your mentor may ask you to draw up a spreadsheet, develop an outline for a pitch, or rehearse your next presentation. View these assignments not as extra work, but as important steps in building your skills.

I have always valued the advice I’ve gotten from my bosses, and I did my best to follow it. A mentee should see a mentor as a guiding light, in the same way they might see a seasoned boss or manager.

4. MEET YOUR MENTOR’S DEADLINES

Remember, the person assisting you is going out of their way to provide this guidance—respect every deadline your mentor establishes. It’s usually not part of their job description, and they receive no extra pay for the time they’re spending. Show that you take the relationship seriously and are respectful of their time by abiding the guidelines they specify.

I know a mentor who set time frames for his mentee and she repeatedly missed deadlines, saying, “Oh, I had outside commitments,” or “Sorry, I couldn’t get to it.” These missed deadlines led to the end of the relationship.

It’s important for a mentor to provide time frames, and it’s critical that the mentee follow these. As a mentor, I’ve learned the importance of schedules. If you don’t get such clarity about a due date, ask your mentor when they’d like it to be done. Or together decide on a due date. Assuming the deadline is realistic, meet it.

5. SHOW GRATITUDE

Finally, show gratitude to your mentor for the time and caring they’re putting into the relationship and the skills they’ve helped you gain.

Demonstrating your appreciation means saying thank you after each session. You might say, “Thank you for taking the time to work with me today,” or “Thank you for sharing your wisdom with me.” However you express it, gratitude is something every mentor will appreciate hearing.

Remember that mentoring is an act of generosity. If you thank them warmly, they will be more apt to develop a lasting relationship with you and help you in the years ahead to build your career.