Tough conversations are inevitable. Here is how to face them with confidence

In leadership, difficult conversations are often necessary, but that doesn’t make them easy. Many leaders avoid them, sidestepping potential conflict and hoping issues will resolve themselves. Spoiler alert: They rarely do. Avoiding these conversations is damaging—not just for the individual, but for the team and the organization. So, why do leaders dodge tough conversations, and how can they stop?

They don’t like conflict and confrontation: Many leaders shy away from tough conversations because they hate conflict. It feels uncomfortable, confrontational, and risky. Avoiding the conversation doesn’t eliminate conflict; it just pushes it underground, where it festers.

They hope the situation will improve on its own: Leaders often convince themselves that, with time, the issue will resolve itself. Unfortunately, problems that go unaddressed tend to grow, not disappear. Delaying action only leads to bigger issues later.

They tell themselves they’ll speak up next time: This is a common excuse: “I’ll deal with it next time.” However, allowing inappropriate behavior to continue unchallenged sends the message that it’s acceptable. This erodes team standards.

They don’t know how to have a tough conversation: Sometimes, the biggest barrier is a lack of skill. Leaders may know a tough conversation is needed but don’t know how to approach it. As much as communication is vital in leadership, it’s often neglected in leadership development.

They anticipate it won’t go over well: Leaders often avoid tough conversations because they fear a negative reaction—anger, defensiveness, or tears. The thought of facing an emotional response is enough to make many retreat.

They’re worried about hurting feelings; Leaders are human, too, and many care deeply about their team. The fear of causing pain or distress often makes them reluctant to confront someone, even when it’s necessary for growth.

They don’t have all the answers: Sometimes leaders avoid tough conversations because they feel unprepared or don’t have all the facts. But you don’t need all the answers to start a conversation.

They’re confused by psychological safety: With new laws around psychological safety, some leaders fear crossing lines they don’t fully understand. The fear of being accused of bullying can paralyze them into inaction.

They lack confidence: Confidence is often seen as a prerequisite for tough conversations, but it’s not. Leaders don’t need to feel confident—they just need courage. Confidence is a feeling; courage is action.

They’ve tried before, and it didn’t go well: Past negative experiences can leave scars. If previous tough conversations didn’t go well, leaders may be hesitant to try again. But avoiding the issue won’t make it disappear.

How to stop dodging hard conversations

Leaders need to ask themselves tough questions to move from avoidance to action.

What is the kindest thing to do here? Avoiding a tough conversation may feel like kindness, but in reality, you’re letting the problem continue. As Brené Brown says: Clear is kind. Feedback, when given well, helps people grow. Hard conversations give your team the information they need to succeed.

What’s the consequence if I don’t have the conversation? Consider the wider impact. Is team morale suffering? Are others being affected? Not addressing the issue might lead to even bigger problems for more people down the line.

What’s the benefit if I do have the conversation? Instead of focusing on what could go wrong, think about what could go right either in the conversation itself or as a result of having it. If the conversation leads to a breakthrough, it benefits everyone.

Face your fears

Even after reflection, fear may still hold you back. That’s where courage comes in. Instead of shying away from fear, face it head-on by asking :

What’s the worst that could happen? Imagine the worst-case scenario. How likely is it, really? Often, we blow things out of proportion in our minds.

What’s the reality if the worst does happen? Even if things don’t go as planned, the reality is rarely as bad as our fear. You can address problems as they arise. Avoiding the conversation keeps you stuck.

How can I mitigate the worst from happening? Prepare thoroughly and approach the conversation with empathy. Practicing what you’ll say and planning for different responses helps ensure you’re not caught off guard.

The best way to avoid hard conversations is to address issues early before they escalate. Be courageous and speak up sooner, even if it feels uncomfortable. Tackling small problems is far easier than dealing with major ones left to fester. Early action mitigates conflict and keeps your leadership on track.