This is how you deal with a toxic employee when you’re a manager

Dealing with a toxic employee can be tricky, especially if you have to manage them in your team. There are so many factors that might be at play, and it’s tough to narrow it all down into one simple explanation. However, I’m going to do my best to walk through it.

If this is something you’ve struggled with or it’s an important topic for you, stick with me for the next few minutes.

Be mindful of how you define “toxic”

First, start by being mindful of how you’re defining toxic behavior. If you have someone displaying unwanted behaviors, it might feel intuitive to start labelling someone as”toxic.” But once we start using that label, we risk seeing everything they do through that lens.

For example, if they challenge someone, stand up for themselves, or dig their heels in because they think something is important, we might automatically assume they’re being difficult or toxic. But that might not be the case at all. That’s why you need to be careful about judging someone’s behavior through a negative filter.

Consider what they might be going through

Instead of jumping to conclusions, consider the possibility that the employee is dealing with a difficult issue. Often, these unwanted behaviors are symptoms of something going wrong somewhere. It could be work-related issues, or it could be something outside of work. It could even be something that’s been lingering for a long time.

Now, I’m not saying you should become their counsellor and go digging into their personal life. But consider the following questions:

– Do they feel like they fit into the group?

– Do they feel like their voice matters?

– Do they feel valued as a person?

– Do they feel recognized and supported?

If the answer is no to any of these questions, it’s much more likely that difficult behaviors will start to emerge. Start by considering how you might address what it is they’re missing. On the other hand, if you’re certain that the team is putting in a lot of effort to meet these needs, and the behaviors continue, then it’s time to have a different kind of conversation.

Start with a one-on-one conversation

At this point, I would suggest inviting the person in for a one-on-one discussion. Sit down and talk through the behaviors you’re noticing. There are plenty of models out there for structuring these conversations, but let’s keep it simple. One useful approach is O.I.R.:

O – What are your observations of the behavior?

I – What do you think the impact has been on the team or work?

R – How might we redirect or reinforce different behaviors moving forward?

It’s not a magic fix, but it gives you a good starting point. Remember, when you go into this conversation, you’re there to listen. This is not a confrontation where you point fingers and say, “You’re doing this wrong. You need to behave better.” That’s the fastest way to make someone defensive, especially if they feel unheard or misunderstood.

Lead with positive intent and listening

It’s important to approach the conversation by stating your positive intent. You’re there to support them and problem-solve together. Share your observations. Start by saying, “This is what I’ve noticed, and this is the impact I think it’s having. Let’s talk about it.”

How do they feel about what you’ve noticed? What are their thoughts? If the person tends to get defensive, and they’re aware of the issues being discussed, it’s likely they’ll jump to defend themselves. But don’t fight fire with fire. Don’t whip out proof and email trails to back up your case. It just doesn’t work.

Instead, listen to understand. You might say something like, “I can see this is something you disagree with” or “I get the sense this is frustrating for you to talk about.” Show them that you want to understand their perspective and work through it together.

Focus on understanding rather than dictating

In these early conversations, it’s not your job as a manager to dictate or say, “you should be doing this. End of discussion.” That’s not going to help the situation. Instead, aim to have a discussion where both sides listen and try to understand each other.

If, after this conversation, there’s still no change, you may need to be a bit more direct. This is where something like C.T.R.M can come in handy:

C – Have I provided enough Clarity about what’s expected in terms of behavior, conduct, or work?

T – Have I given enough training to them to meet those expectations?

R – Have I provided enough resources (this may not always be applicable)

If the answer to those questions is yes, then it’s time to look at M—mindset and motivation

Dig deeper into their mindset and motivation

At this stage, it’s time to have another discussion around what might be preventing them from changing. Maybe they genuinely don’t see their behavior as a problem. You might even hear things like, “It’s not my problem. Everyone else just needs to grow thicker skin.”

That’s when you need to challenge them on the impact their behavior is having. It’s not just about them; it’s about the team and the work environment as a whole. Just be sure to start gently.

Set clear boundaries if things don’t change

If, after these discussions, nothing changes, it’s time to increase accountability. Set very clear lines about what you expect and what you can’t cross. Explain what will happen if their actions continue. At the end of the day, you have to protect the rest of the team, too. You can’t allow someone to continuously behave in a way that disrupts others.

Remember, one bad apple unfortunately can spoil the lot. But if you focus on the cause of the rot—you might find that they’re not actually a bad apple after all.