These 3 types of workers contribute to toxic drama. Here’s how leaders can reframe for positive change 

Passionate John Lennon devotees may ardently visualize a utopian future, wistfully slipping the surly bonds of reality to imagine a perfect world of people living life in peace. It is indeed a glorious vision. But at some point, we need to open our eyes and come back down to earth.

Let’s call it like it is: If we can’t purge unwanted drama in our own families, businesses, and places of worship, how can we possibly expect to bring about peace and harmony on a global scale?

That very question, however, contains its own answer and points us in the right direction. As Admiral William McRaven expounds in his celebrated commencement address: “First make your own bed; then you can start thinking about making the world a better place.”

Needless to say, it’s a lot easier to clean up your room than to eliminate drama from your environment. But once we better understand the mechanics of why drama arises, we can start implementing a methodology to stamp it out.

And that brings us to this week’s entry into the Ethical Lexicon:

The Drama Triangle

A model describing how people adopt unhealthy roles in relationships and interpersonal interaction.

The famed psychiatrist Stephen Karpman coined the term in the 1960s. By providing us with a description of how corrosive attitudes and mindsets contribute to dysfunctional social interactions, his model empowers us to avoid the swamp of drama and navigate our way toward a healthier culture. The first step is defining the three personality types contributing to the toxic drama.

The Victim: Poor little me: In our age of entitlement, class warfare, and identity politics, it’s easier than ever to see ourselves as victims. Many of us do just that through persistent negativity and defeatist self-talk:

• I don’t have control over my life. 
• I’m a victim of circumstance.   
• I’m incapable of solving my problems.   

We look desperately for those we can blame for our plight on the one hand and those who will rescue us from the malady of our lives on the other.

Victims wallow in feelings of hopelessness and helplessness, seeing themselves as prisoners of unfairness and oppression. Their misery is their parents’ fault, their bosses’ fault, or the government’s fault. The universe has conspired against them and there’s nothing they can do about it. Consequently, they take no responsibility for either the obstacles they face or overcoming them.

The Rescuer: Let me help you: At first blush, this appears to be a good thing. Shouldn’t we all want to come to the aid of struggling friends and colleagues? Shouldn’t we all lend support when others feel crushed by the weight of their problems?

Of course, we should. But the more important question is: How will we show our support?

If the underlying problem is that victims feel helpless, rescuers do no favors by trying to solve their problems for them. All that accomplishes is to strengthen the cycle of victimhood. Even worse is when those well-intentioned solutions are mere Band-Aids, short-term fixes that offer the appearance of help without genuinely addressing the core issues.

Finally, rescuers may enjoy the ego gratification of acting as saviors, but they may end up feeling resentful for the time and energy they expend on others’ behalf, eventually experiencing burnout as they try to keep up with their own jobs and needs.

The Persecutor: It’s all your fault: Persecutors are the unhelpful critics who blame victims and naysay rescuers without offering any positive suggestions. It’s easy to punch holes in other people’s ideas or excuses. Often, those criticisms may be sound. But they accomplish nothing helpful unless they contribute meaningful guidance to redirect the conversation.

Persecutors generally come across as arrogant bullies, adding another caustic element to an already toxic cocktail of dysfunction.

As with so many of our issues, reframing steers us toward a solution. Hall of Fame speaker Cy Wakeman, author of Reality-Based Leadership: Ditch the Drama, Restore Sanity to the Workplace, and Turn Excuses Into Results, offers an essential mindset shift in a simple three-word formula. “Leaders,” she says, “are translators.”

With a modicum of perspective and creativity, any complaint can be recast as a proposal for constructive change. Rather than indulge or suppress chronic kvetching, leaders can prompt drama kings and queens to suggest a plan of action rather than wallow in the problem. By doing so, they open the door to rechanneling negative energy into potentially helpful strategies.

That’s precisely how executive coach David Emerald Womeldorff addresses the challenge of the drama triangle in his book, The Empowerment Dynamic. By reconfiguring the corners of the drama triangle, leaders can truly restore cultural health and vibrancy. Here’s how:

Encourage Victims to see themselves as Creators: Rather than fixating on obstacles, visualize the outcomes they would like to achieve. Then empower them with responsibility for developing strategies, building consensus, and driving efforts to achieve those goals.

Recast Rescuers as Coaches: Rather than reinforcing learned helplessness by assuming responsibility for Victims’ problems, direct them to become consultants and trusted advisors, showing confidence and compassion to help Victims resolve their own issues instead of micromanaging them.

Charge Persecutors with becoming Challengers: Task critics with looking to refine, improve, or modify proposals in a way that generates creative discussion instead of pessimism and paralysis.

By translating pervasive discontent into constructive action, leaders can dismantle the drama triangle, create an empowerment dynamic, and turn a vicious circle of negativity into a virtuous circle of positive, productive energy. And, perhaps, by eliminating drama from the workplace, we can truly imagine—even without rose-colored glasses—a time when the world really will live as one.