POV: Getting sober taught me the importance of self-care at work

Most people can agree that being a leader requires trustworthiness, responsibility, and having the capacity to make tough decisions. However, a lot of people don’t understand that in order to not only be a good leader, but a great one, it takes a significant amount of self-reflection and self-care. I would actually say that a leader’s commitment to working on themselves directly correlates to their success, quality of relationships, and bottom line.

Self-care isn’t just beauty treatments—it is serious, hard work. It can be unglamorous and often requires us to face our greatest challenges, which may involve alcohol, drugs, unhealthy partnerships. Self-care is a continuous uphill climb that requires genuine reflection and forgiveness. And by taking care of yourself, you develop resilience, hone your judgment and intuition, and make better decisions for your life—and your business.

I know this to be true firsthand. Here’s how getting sober taught me about the importance of self-care at work.

My self-care journey

Believe it or not, I wasn’t born programmed with an unwavering commitment to personal growth, nor did I make perfect judgments for every tough battle in my life. I had my share of demons that clouded my vision, such as codependency issues and insecurity.

Healthy coping mechanisms and introspection weren’t modeled to me as a child. I grew up in a community where my surroundings reinforced the belief that I couldn’t succeed outside of small-town life. Nevertheless, I managed to graduate high school and get into college. But then, I flunked out. I had partied myself out and was unable to prioritize my long-term goals over alcohol.

Drinking became solace during dark times. And despite pulling myself together and eventually graduating from law school, I couldn’t seem to shake the habit. I had become a “functioning alcoholic”—a title I refused to acknowledge for so long as I clawed my way up to success.

It wasn’t until I was given an ultimatum that I saw my alcohol habit as not only inconvenient, but potentially life-imploding. I attended my first AA meeting 13 years ago, and I’ve been sober ever since.

But, it was the most difficult thing I’d ever done. A year in, I realized that I didn’t have to be a prisoner of my past. This moment became a beacon of hope, urging me to embrace the belief that I was enough, just as I was. Despite the negative self-talk and lingering doubts, I took that first step toward self-improvement, fueled by the conviction that I deserved better.

Sobriety brought clarity and sharpness to my world, but it also revealed the emotional wounds I had long ignored. I realized that true healing required more than just abstaining from substances; it required a commitment to ongoing self-improvement and self-care. I accepted the shame that weighed heavily on my shoulders, a constant reminder of past mistakes and societal expectations—and worked desperately to forgive myself. I surrounded myself with people who saw the light in me even when I couldn’t because I understood that shame thrives in isolation.

My self-care journey was marked by uncertainty and moments of doubt. Sometimes, I felt like I’d taken massive steps backward; but with the support of loved ones, I found the courage to confront my challenges. I persevered and fought for a brighter future for myself and my family. I chose to live candidly and communicate my feelings, desires, and ambitions clearly.

How prioritizing self-care can improve your leadership skills

My sobriety journey coincided with my career trajectory. Surprisingly, a lot of the things I learned about myself—how to be honest, clear with my intentions, come up with solutions to complicated problems, and check in with my intuition—made me a better leader.

In a world obsessed with metrics, it’s easy to lose sight of what truly matters and concentrate on the symptoms, not the root, of a problem. Here are three self-help habits that can make anyone a better leader:

Give honesty, receive honesty

On my sobriety journey, I had to admit harsh truths about myself first before putting in the work to resolve them. It taught me to approach things with a critical (and compassionate) eye, and be 100% honest about what I saw. My motto became, “I can do anything with the truth, but don’t lie to me.”

By being authentically who I am, I give my colleagues the chance to show their true selves. If they know I come from a place of transparency and candor, they are more comfortable admitting to mistakes and know my role is to help them overcome them.

As a leader, I always aim to be clear about my expectations. I have strong standards, and I value accountability. I prioritize plain-spoken ways of moving in business where clients and partners know what’s going on and employees know exactly what they need to do. As a result, everyone is aligned and heading toward the same common goals.

Lead with your heart

In its simplest form, this means being connected to what your feelings are telling you, which requires being connected to your body and my emotions. I actively practice being in touch with my heart, listening to my gut, and running all of those feelings up to my head where I can make balanced, comprehensive business decisions.

Leaders should always follow this simple lesson: If something doesn’t feel right, don’t do it. If an opportunity, after careful consideration of all factors, seems beneficial, take the steps to make it possible. But I first needed to learn how to trust and lead myself. Because if I couldn’t lead myself, how could I lead anyone else?

Honing and strengthening my intuition, not ignoring it for the sake of short-term gain or contradicting whispers from others, has allowed me to make better decisions for my business. As my intuition pulls me forward and I follow it, the “stuckness” that permeated my functional alcoholism days evaporates, and we can move forward as a team to bigger and better things.

Meditate and breathe

Meditation, being in tune with your breathing, and moments of intentional self-reflection are a cornerstone of positive leadership because they allow you to process negative emotions. As leaders, we must tamp down feelings like anger. Instead of lashing out when things don’t go our way, we must recognize and redirect that energy into more productive paths.

Meditation is an opportunity to slow down and ask yourself: “Am I showing congruity in my words, thoughts, actions, and intuition? Are my values reflected in my business?”

Meditation helps you lead more effectively. And meditation, along with making sure my body is fueled correctly with healthy food, adequate sleep, and quality family time, helps me ensure that I am at the right place to listen, plan, and lead.

Being a successful leader isn’t just about reaching the top; it’s about nurturing the relationships that matter, finding balance in the chaos, and staying true to oneself amid the noise. People need a self-care routine in order to become intuitive and empathetic leaders. Working on your personal relationship with your mind, body, and intuition bleeds into your business practices. By projecting self-care, surety, and steadiness, you can become a truly inspirational leader with strong personal convictions that drive your business forward.