‘Nobody Wants This,’ your favorite rom-com, is not about a healthy relationship

Nobody Wants This, the Netflix rom-com about a rabbi and an atheist podcaster, is being hailed by denizens of the internet as the epitome of the healthy relationship we all deserve.

In reality, it’s a depiction of how insidiously sexism is still baked into modern relationships. More charitably, it’s an unconscious reflection of how women still don’t ask for enough, even when they think they are. Either way, it’s a portrait of how women still don’t have it all.

[Warning: Spoilers incoming.]

Our star-crossed lovers are Joanne (Kristen Bell), who runs a sex and relationships podcast with her sister, and Noah (Adam Brody), a rabbi full of wisecracks who is expected to date Jewish if he wants to get promoted. Noah is as adorable as a puppy, and just like an adorable puppy he manages to crap everywhere and get away with it.

We learn Joanne has a troubled relationship history and thinks she’s emotionally over the top—but she’s managed to monetize her crazy, which is more than most of us can say. And by monetize, I mean Spotify wants to acquire her podcasts for millions.

Enter Noah. Noah’s just broken off a three-year relationship with his Jewish girlfriend, Rebecca, without much of an explanation. Instead of considering what he wants from his life, or why his relationship with Rebecca fell through, he dives head-first into a relationship with Joanne, who is not Jewish and tells him multiple times that she doesn’t want messy.

The show doesn’t call Noah out on bad decision-making and failing to use his words, or how this plunges Rebecca and Joanne into a morass of insecurity. It does cast Joanne as an irresponsible wreck, however, with Noah being the paragon who is too good for her. In episode three, her sister points out they are a weird pairing because Noah seems “responsible and kind” and Joanne is “sort of a bad person relative to a man of God.” Meanwhile, Esther, Noah’s sister-in-law who best friends with Rebecca, treats Joanne terribly without directing her anger toward the real culprit for Rebecca’s heartbreak: Noah, the man of God who apparently can’t have a hard conversation.

But Joanne is the one with emotional issues? Okay, go on then.

The punches keep coming, but the show hits rock bottom during episode five, when Joanne skips a meeting with Spotify to accompany Noah on a work trip (teaching teens Talmud at camp). Securing the deal means guaranteed salaries for Joanne and her team, but she wants to be with Noah, and decides her irresponsible sister can hold down fort at the meeting.

Noah, man of God and paragon, does not urge Joanne to go to the meeting and take care of her people. Instead, he has Joanne tag along to camp, so he can take care of his people. When his boss makes a surprise appearance, he tells Joanne to hide because if his boss finds out he’s dating a non-Jew, he might not get promoted.

Joanne comes to her senses and rushes back to her meeting with Spotify. In the time-honored tradition of rom-coms, Noah realizes he loves her and runs after her. Then, he pulls her out of the meeting, and asks her to be his girlfriend.

The credits roll and women are left to confront the fairytale ending: The dreamboat guy does not give a s— about your career.

We never find out what happens to the Spotify deal, although Joanne’s sister does an admirable job of holding down fort. At the end, as a grace note, it’s hinted that Noah might also give up his career for Joanne.

But what we do know is that women still get the shaft when it comes to balancing their careers and romance.

Art imitates life

According to a 2023 Deloitte study, 40% of women said their partner’s career takes precedence. In a 2024 McKinsey report, 40% of partnered women said they are responsible for most if not all of the household work, an increase from 2016. A Harvard Business Review article might sum it up best: The only way for women to succeed at work is to have an incredibly supportive partner—or none at all.

Joanne lives in a fictional world where she can afford a house with a pool. Presumably, she’ll be fine. But the average woman isn’t doing fine. She’s still clawing her way to equality. She’s earning 82 cents to the man’s dollar. She has 13% less free time than men.

And if she founds a company, she faces high odds. Only got 8% of venture deals went to female founders in 2023. (As a podcaster, she’ll also face gender barriers: Only 27% of the most popular podcasts have a female host, and 60% of men say they prefer listening to a male voice.) She deserves a show about a guy who is as adorable as a puppy, who’ll celebrate her crazy, and be her strongest career advocate—including telling her, “Yes, absolutely, go to that meeting and close that deal. Date night can wait.”