Need some help with budgeting? Start by answering these 4 simple questions

Years ago, I asked my born-organized sister how she managed to keep her place looking so nice all the time. She gave me an odd look and replied, “I put things away when I’m done with them.” I’m reminded of this infuriating conversation whenever I read most introductory budgeting advice.

Money experts will assure their audience that creating a successful budget is simple. “Just track your income and spending and make sure the second number is lower than the first,” they say, often with a tone that makes it sound like they’re worried about your ability to tie your own shoes.

But most people need to know how to do these supposedly simple things. And just as my sister couldn’t imagine why put things away was impossible-to-follow advice for me, financial experts don’t necessarily recognize that the simple process of budgeting is not easy for everyone.

If money management is not second nature to you, here are some tips to help you create and maintain a budget that fits your life.

Treat budgeting like laundry

About once a year or so, I’ll find myself elbow deep in unfolded clothes, wondering aloud if I’m nearly finished doing the laundry. “After 30 plus years, I must be near the end of the laundry by now!” I’ll lament to my family.

My frustration stems from the fact that washing the clothes is a never-ending task. I can never be “done” with the laundry. I can only choose from one of four options for dealing with the laundry cycle: do it myself, pay someone else to do it, wear dirty clothes, or go naked.

Money management is also a never-ending task. In fact, budgeting often fails because the budgeter doesn’t get past the initial check-in with their money. We want budgeting to be a once-and-done kind of chore and forget that it needs to be done over and over again.

If you haven’t embraced the ongoing nature of budgeting, you probably only “budget” sporadically. This might involve sitting down with your banking app to check on your spending and may even include a plan for how much you intend to spend in the future. And then the budget is often forgotten about until the next time you’re scrambling to pay your bills.

The problem with treating budgeting like a singular event is that you’re doing the financial equivalent of washing your skivvies only once a year. You’re going to run out of money/clean undies eventually—and no one likes their options when that happens.

It’s far better to go into budgeting with the assumption that you’ll need to spend a little time on it weekly, just as it’s better to tackle the laundry regularly instead of only summiting Mount St. Washy when you’ve had to go commando several days in a row.

How to do this

Accepting that budgeting is a regular chore is almost half the battle, but that doesn’t make it any easier to carve out time for a new weekly task.

This is why newbie budgeters may want to literally pair laundry with money management. The time your unmentionables spend spinning in the washer and dryer is “down time” on laundry day, which could be an excellent time to work on managing your money. This will help you build the habit and connect the importance of budgeting with that of laundry.

Avoid judging yourself

Once you have embraced the repetitive nature of money management, the next major obstacle is self-judgment.

There are a couple of forms this kind of judgment could take. Some budgeters beat themselves up for past financial choices they’re still paying for, concluding that they will never be good with money. Others compare their income or lifestyle to someone else who seems to be doing better. And many budgeters set themselves up to fail by deciding that their future selves are perfectly capable of quitting expensive habits cold turkey.

Each of these kinds of self-judgments can derail a budget. When you judge yourself and your finances in any of these ways, you’re measuring reality against what “should” be true. Unfortunately, reality wins every time, and shoulding on yourself just makes you feel bad.

This is why budgeting needs to be done in a place free of judgment. Your money situation is neither good nor bad; neither moral nor immoral. It just is, and accepting that allows you to make the most beneficial decisions for your goals.

Telling you not to judge yourself is a bit like my sister’s advice to put my stuff away—very easy to say and much harder to do.

That’s why new budgeters should spend their first few budgeting sessions simply gathering information about their money. You don’t need to make any decisions about any of the numbers you uncover. Think of yourself like an accounting version of Indiana Jones, excavating the historical record without judgment.

This specifically means using your first few weeks of budgeting on uncovering the answers to the following questions:

1. How much income can I expect each month?
2. What are my monthly fixed expenses? These might include: Rent/Mortgage Utilities, including mobile phone and data/Wi-Fi access (if these fluctuate, calculate the monthly average over the last 12 months) Car payment Auto insurance Student loan payment Alimony or child support Day care expenses Monthly memberships (such as gym membership)
3. What is the monthly average cost of my variable expenses? Use at least three months’ worth of numbers for the following expenses to calculate your average monthly cost: Groceries Medications Medical appointments Renters insurance/Homeowners insurance Car maintenance and repair Home maintenance and repair Credit card payments
4. What is the monthly average cost of my discretionary expenses? These might include: Entertainment Dining out Personal care (haircuts, etc) Clothing Hobbies Gifts

1. Rent/Mortgage
2. Utilities, including mobile phone and data/Wi-Fi access (if these fluctuate, calculate the monthly average over the last 12 months)
3. Car payment
4. Auto insurance
5. Student loan payment
6. Alimony or child support
7. Day care expenses
8. Monthly memberships (such as gym membership)

1. Groceries
2. Medications
3. Medical appointments
4. Renters insurance/Homeowners insurance
5. Car maintenance and repair
6. Home maintenance and repair
7. Credit card payments

1. Entertainment
2. Dining out
3. Personal care (haircuts, etc)
4. Clothing
5. Hobbies
6. Gifts

The numbers you calculate from this exercise are just information. Gathering this data without making judgments or decisions will allow you to get comfortable with the idea of removing your ego from the process of budgeting.

Aim for small wins

Back when I asked my sister about her organizational skills, I was thinking about the pile of papers on my kitchen table, the “clothing chair” in my bedroom, the dishes that had taken up permanent residence on my coffee table, and unfinished projects on multiple flat surfaces in my house.

In other words, I was thinking globally about my untidiness. Her advice assumed that I had a place to put everything away and that it was something I could do quickly. Neither of those things were true.

It wasn’t until I decided to make my bed every day that I started to move the disorganization needle. It did nothing for the piled papers, clothes, dishes, and unfinished projects elsewhere in the house, but having a neatly made bed was a small, easy thing I could do that helped make my space seem neater. Once that was a habit, it was easier to put things away in my bedroom.

New budgeters should aim for similar small wins with money management, since it is much easier to build a habit from small routines than try to become a money maven overnight.

There are a number of small financial wins that can help you build the budgeting habit. Some early skills to focus on might include:

• Paying all your bills on time
• Transferring a small amount to an emergency fund with every paycheck
• Paying more than the minimum amount on credit cards or other debt
• Taking lunch to work one day a week

Picking one of these skills and repeating it until it has become a habit will help you create a foundation for your budgeting practice. Even though these are small actions, repetition and habit will allow them to improve your finances and give you successes to build on.

The perfectly imperfect budget

Just as my house will never look like something out of a magazine (or even like my sister’s house), your budget will never have the picture-perfect symmetry described by money experts. But your budget doesn’t need to be pretty or perfect—it just needs to make your financial life easier to manage.

To create your own successful budget, start by treating money management more like your laundry. It’s something you have to do regularly or else it will back up on you. When you get started on a new budgeting habit, commit to simply gathering information without judgment. You’ll make better decisions if you remove your judgmental reaction from the numbers you uncover. Finally, aim for small financial wins, rather than trying to completely remake your finances all at once. Letting go of the idea of perfection will help you learn to love your budget, warts and al