How to stop tiptoeing around disability at work

Have you experienced that awkward moment when you meet a new colleague, notice a visible disability, and suddenly, all you know about everyday social interaction seems to go out the window? You are not sure what to say, what not to say, or where to look (or not to look). You worry about being inappropriate.

Or maybe it’s not a new colleague. Instead, someone you’ve been around a lot develops a serious health condition. Again, suddenly, you don’t know how to interact, what to ask, what not to ask. You are walking on eggshells.

Discomfort around disability is well-documented. But how do we make sure the discomfort does not turn into discrimination?

The Elephant in the Room: Disability Discomfort

Most of us have some underlying anxiety when it comes to interacting with disabled people. It’s not that we’re cruel or indifferent—it’s that we’re afraid of doing or saying something wrong. We might not fully understand what a person’s experience is like, and this lack of understanding contributes to awkward tension. Worse yet, the elephant grows bigger as we try to avoid it.

Disability discomfort isn’t malicious, but it has serious consequences. When discomfort takes over, it often leads to avoidance. Conversations become shorter—or don’t happen at all. Invitations to coffee, team outings, or professional opportunities dry up. Over time, a disabled colleague may find themselves excluded, not because anyone intended harm, but because discomfort made inclusion feel “too complicated.”

This is how discomfort-driven discrimination happens. It’s not always about overt prejudice. Sometimes, it’s about the small ways people signal, “I don’t know how to interact with you, so I won’t.”

Discomfort is Normal. Discrimination is Not

Let’s clear something up: Feeling awkward around disability doesn’t make you a bad person. Most of us were raised in societies where disability was rarely discussed or openly visible. Where most parents taught their kids to avert their eyes in the face of visible disability and did their darnest to hide their own non-apparent conditions.

So when you encounter disability, your brain fumbles. That fumbling is okay. What’s not okay is letting that discomfort stop you from treating someone with the same respect, dignity, and humanity you extend to everyone else.

How to Turn Awkwardness Into Allyship

So, what can you do when disability awkwardness strikes? Here are some tips to help you navigate these moments with grace—and ensure your discomfort doesn’t unintentionally hurt someone else.

1. Focus on the Full Person

Your colleague’s disability might be the first thing you notice, and it is an important part of their life, but it’s not the most important thing about them. Resist the urge to make their disability the centerpiece of your interaction. Instead, engage with them as you would anyone else. Ask about their work, their weekend, or their interests. The more you do this, the more natural it will feel.

If the disability comes up in a conversation, follow their lead. For example, if they mention needing a particular accommodation, it’s fine to ask respectful, relevant questions. But if they’re talking about their favorite movie, keep the conversation there.

2. Avoid Making Assumptions

Disability is not a monolith. Two people with the same condition can have vastly different experiences. Don’t assume what someone can or can’t do, how they feel, or what they need. If you’re not sure, ask—but only if it’s relevant and necessary.

For example: Instead of saying, “If you are coming to the potluck, you can just bring the plates,” say, “We’re having a potluck and would love for you to join! Let me know what you’d like to bring, or if there’s anything we need to remember to make this a good experience for you.”

3. Learn Inclusive Language

You might be unsure of the correct terminology, but don’t let that stop you from engaging. Most people appreciate honest, respectful communication over awkward silence. Many organizations recommend the person-first language, “a person with a disability,” but many individuals may strongly prefer the identity-first language, “disabled person.” Neurodivergent people also have distinct language preferences. It’s more than okay to ask about their terms of choice.

4. You WILL do something wrong. Acknowledge, Don’t Over-apologize

If you accidentally say or do something offensive, apologize briefly and sincerely, take the lesson, then move on. Over-apologizing can make the situation more uncomfortable for the other person.

Profuse self-flagellation like “Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry, I’m terrible at this, I didn’t mean to, now I feel like a bad person. . .” makes them comfort you. Most people would prefer “I’m sorry. Thank you for helping me learn.”

5. Educate Yourself

Disability awkwardness often comes from a lack of familiarity or knowledge. Take time to learn about disability experiences and barriers people face—not just physical but organizational and systemic. And most of all, get to know disabled people as individuals, with their unique personalities and interests. The more you know, the less likely you are to feel uncomfortable.

Removing the elephant

Disabled people often carry an unspoken emotional burden: making others feel comfortable. This can look like forced cheerfulness, speaking in a tone designed to soothe, or shrinking into invisibility to avoid “making it awkward.” While this effort might ease tensions for their nondisabled coworkers, it comes at a cost—exhaustion, invisibility, and, ultimately, inequity. Inclusion will not happen if disabled people are made responsible for making nondisabled people comfortable. It forces the disabled person to carry the elephant of others’ discomfort while watching out for emotional eggshells.

Inclusion is not about never feeling awkward. It’s about not letting that awkwardness turn into exclusion. When coworkers turn awkwardness into curiosity and take responsibility for learning and creating an inclusive environment—one step at a time—disabled colleagues are free to focus on what really matters: their work, their goals, and their contributions. They no longer have to bear the double workload of both doing their job and managing everyone else’s comfort.