How to mentor a know-it-all effectively

Over the years, I have had many chances to mentor people. As a faculty member, I worked closely with undergraduate and graduate students to help them on their career paths. As an administrator, I have also had the chance to serve as a mentor.

Every once in a while, you come across someone who I refer to as “impervious to advice.” These know-it-alls have an answer for everything, and find ways to convince you that everything they have done was the right move. Often, these individuals also find time to tell everyone else how to do their job and bluster through lots of situations with more confidence than competence.

There are a few flavors of these know-it-alls. You need to know which one you’re dealing with before you can decide whether they can be mentored and how to do it.

The imposter

Many know-it-alls are covering for their anxiety that you think they are not competent to do their job. A key cause of imposter syndrome is a misconception that if you have been given a job that is because your supervisor thinks you are already an expert in every facet of that job. As a result, people with imposter syndrome want to prove that they know things that they don’t actually understand yet.

Happily, the fix here is easy.

You need your mentees to know that you do not expect that they know everything. If they are new in their position, you should be clear that they were hired for their potential rather than what you are certain they already know how to do. In this way, you are letting them know that you want them to be up-front about the things they don’t know and don’t know how to do. You want to help them develop into their role.

Setting these expectations can create trust that decreases the degree to which your mentees will suggest they already know everything and opens them up to learning more.

One great way of making the environment safe for that learning is for you—as a mentor—to talk about things that you are learning. In fact, if your mentee knows something you don’t, getting them to teach you something is a great way of reinforcing that everyone should be identifying their gaps in knowledge and skills and filling them.

The BS-er

Some people like to feel like they have all the answers. They are glib and capable of sounding convincing. So, they have learned to throw out plausible-sounding responses to situations with no actual underlying knowledge. At some point, this behavior becomes a habit, so the real BS-er doesn’t even realize that they have shifted into BS mode.

To start mentoring these individuals, you have to start by calling out the BS. Organizations cannot succeed when people engage without knowing what they talking about. BS quickly undermines trust with colleagues, clients, and customers. It needs to be clear that talking without knowledge is unacceptable.

From there, you can start to work with this team member on how to respond when they don’t have the information they need, and how to avoid chiming in when they do not have full information. The simplest (and perhaps most difficult) thing you can teach people to do is to say “I don’t know” with a promise to find out more information and get back to them. Many people—particularly inveterate BS-ers—hate admitting ignorance. But, it builds trust to be clear about the limits of your expertise.

The narcissist

The most lethal know-it-all is the narcissist. Narcissists believe that they are special and that information should flow from them to others. They show off their knowledge and butt into conversations. Their aim is to draw attention to themselves and to let the world see how much they know and how well-connected they are within the organization.

It can be hard to mentor a narcissist. Perhaps the most successful thing you can do is to appeal to their desire to succeed. Point out that they may believe that showing off their knowledge makes them appear more powerful, but that typically it diminishes their influence on others.

Focus on how they may better achieve their goals by listening to others and acknowledging other people’s ideas and contributions. It may seem disingenuous to get people to engage well with others for self-serving reasons. It’s really okay to get someone to do the right thing, even if they are doing it for personal gain.