How to identify (and avoid) the female mid-life crisis

At the Exceptional Women Alliance (EWA), we enable high-level women to mentor each other to achieve personal and professional happiness through sisterhood. I am honored to share insights from thought leaders who are part of our peer-to-peer mentoring program. I’m pleased to introduce Amy Hanlon-Rodemich. She is the cofounder of HR Revolt and the former chief people officer of Nokia. We spoke about how companies—and the women working there—can think about adapting the workplace and expectations for those who will almost inevitably experience mid- or late-career burnout.

Amy, you and I were recently at our EWA retreat for senior executive women and you had some interesting observations. What are they?

I was talking with all these really experienced, high-profile women and was astounded by how many of these amazing, accomplished women were stuck in, what I affectionately call the “female mid-life crisis.” Contrary to what you may think, I am not talking about sports cars or young lovers. With women, usually in their 50s, this mid-life crisis is experienced by those who have built families and careers and now find themselves exhausted but not ready to retire.

The ladies I talked to were all asking themselves, “what now?” Most were burnt out from years of corporate politics, higher expectations for women, and balancing family and work priorities. One executive said, “I am so sick of corporate nonsense. I worked for my company for 30 years and what do I have to show for it? PTSD, high blood pressure, and no direction at 56. What do I do now? I don’t want to go back but I am not ready to retire. I still love my work but the corporate ‘borg’ just sucks all the life out of me.”

What is driving this sentiment?

Several of the women I spoke with lamented how tired they had become, especially in recent years. COVID-19 sent the world into a spiral with long-term repercussions that we did not see coming. At the start of the pandemic, we all focused on keeping our employees and families safe. We scrambled to get everyone home and set up so work could continue while not risking their safety. Most companies doubled down on the “care factor”—reaching out to employees to make sure they were okay, help them with any needed equipment or supplies, and many—including the company I worked for at the time—established local hotlines for employees to call if they needed help.

This global work-from-home environment showed us that remote work was not only possible, but in fact preferable for many. In numerous cases, it made child and elder care easier. Women and men could more adeptly care for their families by being home rather than commuting and paying for child and elder care. This added a burden of trying to work while also making sure children were participating in school.

COVID had several unintended consequences—burnout and the mental health decline being two of them. We found that employees were working longer and harder because they were always accessible, since they did not have an end time for work, nor a commute. They were home, they can jump on a call, right? For those working for global organizations, their days could extend well into the night. Combined with longer days, many experienced the mental health decline that often comes with isolation. We are social creatures, and human interaction is needed for most of us.

A bit of research showed me that women are more likely to experience burnout than men due to a number of factors, including gender inequities in the workplace, family responsibilities, a lack of affordable childcare, and a societal expectation that we effortlessly balance work and life. This is something drilled into many of us: You can have it all but that means you have to work hard all day, take care of your family, your financial responsibilities, household tasks, and do it all with a smile and no semblance of stress. Despite this “Super Woman” expectation, it gives us no guarantee for promotion, development, or even, in some cases, basic compassion from our employers.

Back to the female mid-life crisis. Many of us reflect on this and nod our heads realizing that we are burnt out. However, admitting that is tough for women because of the Super Woman expectation—it is a sign of weakness. We must keep going! We must take care of everyone!

Segil: What can these women do to ease into the next phase of their lives?

The hardest part is deciding what’s next. Some women have decided to move into their “portfolio career”: sitting on boards, volunteering, and consulting. Others are taking time off and going back into corporate life for “just one more gig.” One thing we all have in common is that we want to keep going, we want to contribute, and be recognized. We have worked so hard for so long and don’t deserve to be overlooked. This goes for all women, not just executive women.

One colleague said to me that she was “looking for fabulous and I won’t settle for less.” We are learning to set our boundaries and not settle for “8 out of 10” of our desires. We want “fabulous.” Another put it, “I’m looking for a different hamster wheel,” meaning she still wants to run, but on a wheel that is supportive of her efforts. I think we all need to be clear on what “fabulous” means to us individually.

Segil: Any advice for employers?

Yes—please pay attention to the signs of burnout or you could risk losing this talent. We already experienced the Great Resignation where employees of all genders tired of the endless workdays and left companies in droves, only to find that the grass was not so green on the other side. As an organization, you need to be aware that the market WILL heat back up, and hopefully soon. When this happens, employees will remember how they were treated, how stressed out they were, and how their leadership responded to these issues. A mass exodus is inevitable for some companies but that doesn’t have to be you. Pay attention and address burnout for all genders.

Larraine Segil is founder, chair, and CEO of the Exceptional Women Alliance. Amy Hanlon-Rodemich is cofounder of HR Revolt.