How to build resilience from within with resonant self-talk

Recent data from Crunchbase shows that there have been more than 57,000 layoffs in the tech sector alone in 2024. In Edelman’s 2023 Trust Barometer, a staggering 89% of people reported a fear of job loss. During the layoff process, trust may inevitably be broken. Employees might struggle to find confidence in their leadership team as they watch their peers depart. And rebuilding trust within an organization can be extremely challenging when you can’t promise you’ll never conduct layoffs again.

Rebuilding organization-wide trust requires a top-down commitment to rewiring the brain’s right hemisphere. It is no small feat, but is a crucial undertaking for organizations to foster inclusive and resonant workplaces. I recently explored the power of resonant language in rewiring the right hemisphere. In particular, we examined how to employ resonant language through tactical empathy to drive connection with and among teams. Now I will show you how to turn resonant language inward.

How can you come back from a place of betrayal and mistrust? What tools can you use to rebuild your sense of trust to navigate uncertainty with grace?

Thoughts vs. feelings: Equipping yourself with resonant language

There are two things you can control in a moment of uncertainty. One is your breath. The other is witnessing your thoughts and then consciously altering your next thought. Resonant self-talk allows an individual to notice their thoughts and feelings, discern needs, and put impactful words to them.

The act of noticing your own feelings can be challenging—especially in differentiating thoughts from feelings. For example, “betrayal” is an evaluative experience, not a feeling. Someone experiencing betrayal may feel hurt, disappointed, or even scared. Those feelings represent possible unmet needs. In the case of betrayal—like an employee whose colleague was laid off—those unmet needs may be a lack of trust or security. The individual may desire transparency and reliability and realize they are receiving neither in moments of uncertainty.

How to use resonant self-talk —and its neurochemical response

Pinpointing feelings and their underlying unmet needs can help to address anxiety, symptoms of depression, and even imposter syndrome in the moment. Consider this formula for noticing, naming, and managing through personal feelings with resonant self-talk: “Even though I’m feeling X, I’m grateful for/that/when Y.”

Let’s explore how this can shift your neurochemistry in real-time.

In the middle of your day, you notice your heart rate has increased and you’re feeling stressed. Start by noticing and naming your experience: “I am feeling stressed right now. Of course, it would make sense that I feel stressed because I have a lot on my plate at work, I need to take my son to his recital tonight, figure out family dinner, and still be available for my 8 p.m. meeting with my team in Japan.”

Just thinking about all this can elicit feelings of exhaustion, depletion, and a need for peace. Now that you’ve noticed and named your feelings, move into managing them. Take a deep breath, then say: “Even though I’m feeling really stressed right now, I’m grateful I have a cup of tea in my hand.”

As we begin to feel overwhelmed, serotonin becomes depleted and cortisol is released. The surge of cortisol throughout the body leaves us overloaded with anxiety. Expressing gratitude, on the other hand, helps us secrete serotonin and dopamine, which can help decrease stress levels.

In addition to expressing gratitude, consider other stress management tools, even something as simple as going for a short walk—which induces an endogenous opioid hit—or petting your dog, which could trigger an oxytocin surge.

Another helpful tool comes from yoga nidra practice. Lay on your back with your knees bent, then follow this breathing exercise: Inhale for four counts, exhale for four counts. Inhale for four counts, exhale for five. Inhale for four, exhale for six. Repeat that exercise for about five minutes. It will help to access and reset your vagus nerve—a major cranial nerve associated with calmness—and help you move out of an arousal state.

We’ve heard it a million times: Putting your oxygen mask on first is necessary to help those around you. The same approach applies when using resonant language to manage emotions and stress.

Whether you are the manager conducting the layoff or the team member affected by it, practicing resonant self-talk may give you a greater sense of resilience. Your recognition of how feelings indicate unmet needs gives you a new opportunity to understand yourself and, just as importantly, how others may be feeling. The more you learn about yourself, the more you understand others. This common ground is foundational to building connections and repairing trust when it has been broken.