How managers can support team members when they’re going through a difficult time

Supporting a team member who’s going through a difficult time in their personal life can be a delicate situation. As a manager, you need to balance empathy with practicality and offer help while also ensuring the work doesn’t fall off track. This is a tough spot to be in, and one that management training doesn’t always cover.

As a management consultant and coach, this is one of the things that I get asked a lot. If this is something you’re struggling with, know that you’re not alone. The following practices can help.

Be realistic about your role

First things first, remember that as a manager, you’re not a therapist. It can be tempting to dive in and try to “fix” or even rescue your team member, especially if they’re going through a tough time. But that’s not your role, and it’s not realistic. Think of your support as an anchor. They don’t need you to solve their problems, but they do need to feel like they’re not facing them alone.

Consider saying something like the following: “I want to listen and be able to support you. There may be things that you want to share that I don’t have the skill to help you with, and the last thing I want is for you to open up and me not be able to help. If I feel that is happening, are you ok with me saying, “I think we’re heading towards a topic I’m not able to help with?” This way, you’re setting boundaries but also showing them that you genuinely care about their well-being.

Often the biggest single differentiator between this being resolved and not is the team member knowing that you, the manager, cares. They want to know that what they’re going through isn’t an inconvenience, and that you care about them personally and want to help.

Listen to understand, not respond

Once you’ve established that supportive boundary, it’s time to listen. And by “listen,” I mean really listen. Too often, we’re just waiting for our turn to talk. But in this case, you want to let them do the talking. Think of listening as a way to help them process, rather than an opportunity to give advice or find quick solutions. Once they’ve finished talking, consider replying with the following phrases:

“I can hear how difficult this is for you. It sounds like you’ve feeling overwhelmed at the moment

“So you’re saying that you’re not getting any time to yourself in the evenings which is causing you to feel burnout and not able to recharge for the next day? Have I got that right”?

“What do you feel would help make things more manageable right now?”

Often, when people feel genuinely heard, they’re more capable of finding solutions. Sometimes, the most significant support you can offer is simply to give them a safe space to talk, be heard, and process what they’re going through.

In fact, one of the most common reasons people feel unsupported at work is that they didn’t feel heard. In mediation, I often hear managers insist that they did listen (and then show their notes to prove it). What they’re doing is confusing the surface level action of listening with the deeper skill of listening to help the other person feel heard.

Consider the kind of support they need

Once they’ve had a chance to talk things through, ask them directly: “How would you like to be supported right now?” You’re aiming to show them respect for their autonomy and give them the space to communicate what they need, rather than assuming you know the answer. Remember, they’re the expert in their own lives. You’re just a visitor with a very small snapshot of what’s going on.

Sometimes, they might ask for support that isn’t entirely realistic. If that happens, you need to be honest about what’s possible while showing that you’re open to finding creative solutions together. You could say something like the following: “I know that’s not possible unfortunately. Which means it’s my job to be creative about meeting your needs. I’m hoping we can work it out together“

By involving them in this way, you’re taking a collaborative approach, which often makes them feel more empowered and supported.

Be open to make small accommodations

If they’re dealing with personal issues, a few adjustments can make a huge difference, even if they’re minor ones. Maybe they need a flexible start time or a few additional breaks during the day. Small accommodations like this can help that person feel supported and also demonstrate to the rest of the team that you’re willing to help everyone through tough times.

By being flexible, you’re also building trust. When team members see that you care about them as people, not just as workers, they’re more likely to stay engaged and motivated, even during challenging times.

In the end, supporting someone who’s facing difficulties is about balancing empathy with practicality. While you can’t solve every problem, you can make a big difference simply by caring, listening actively, and being willing to make adjustments when you can. Remember, being a supportive manager doesn’t mean you have to have all the answers. It just means that you’re there when it matters.