Feeling disappointed after reaching a big goal? How I overcame the ‘arrival fallacy’

Have you ever achieved a goal only to feel let down afterward? Many of us dream of reaching milestones—like that promotion at work, finishing a marathon, or moving into a new home—but often find that the joy fades faster than we expect. This phenomenon is called the “arrival fallacy.”

I’m an executive coach who has held leadership positions at four Fortune 500 Companies over the past two decades. I’ve dealt with the challenge of feeling disappointed after achieving a big goal a fair bit over the years. Here’s how I’ve learned how to shift my focus from the finish line to the journey itself.

Understanding the Arrival Fallacy

At the heart of the arrival fallacy is the belief that reaching a specific goal will bring us consistent happiness. Initially, this perspective can be powerful. It drives us to work diligently toward our ambitions. However, many of us find ourselves feeling deflated once the goal is achieved.

I remember the moment I hit a big sales achievement at work, known as “President’s Club.” This is an award that only the top three to five people in a sales organization achieve, so the top 1%. It was something I had worked tirelessly for, convinced that my happiness would skyrocket once I hit it. But after the initial excitement, I felt overwhelmed by new responsibilities of the upcoming year, which meant I had to start from zero, as it goes with any sales territory and the beginning of the calendar year. It wasn’t just overwhelming, but stressful, knowing I was going to begin all over again in the New Year.

Happiness expert Dr. Gillian Mandich says that 40% of our happiness is determined by our everyday thoughts and behaviors, 50% is genetically determined, and only 10% of our happiness is determined by our circumstances. Thus, people often feel less satisfied than they expect after reaching a significant life goal

Feeling this way, after finally reaching the President’s Club, was an eye-opener for me. As I took time to reflect on the past year, I realized that lasting joy resides in the journey, not just the destination. While working to achieve this goal, I had the opportunity to connect with inspiring individuals and positively impact their lives, which was incredibly rewarding. I also was reminded how my energy really motivated my peers, as well, which was a fun bonus of my work.

Shifting My Focus Away From Outcomes

To overcome the arrival fallacy, I needed to reframe how I viewed my goals. I started to appreciate the small steps that lead to larger achievements. For instance, while preparing for my next sales year, as well as my promotion, I made a point to recognize smaller milestones—like finishing a project or receiving positive feedback from a colleague. I even started to keep a file on my computer called “Atta Girl,” which contains emails and praise from colleagues and others. These moments of celebration reinvigorated my motivation and made the journey enjoyable.

I also shared my celebrations with coworkers, which fostered a positive atmosphere. Collective celebrations can energize teams, boosting morale and collaboration. Research shows that acknowledging small wins can increase productivity on teams.

Finding Joy in Every Step

This new mindset extended beyond my career. I had begun to train for a Half Ironman race, which is a total of 70.3 miles, including a swim, bike ride, and a run. I realized this same mental shift could help in my fitness journey, as well. Instead of focusing solely on race day, I embraced each training session and every healthy meal choice. I started affirming to myself, “Every workout is a win; every healthy choice counts.”

Joining a local running community added another layer of joy. Each week, we would start our run together at a local brewery. Connecting with a couple of fellow runners allowed me to share small wins and things that we found joy in. Sharing my struggles and victories with others made each session exhilarating.

Rather than just waiting to cross the finish line at the 70.3 race, I started to celebrate every practice run and every improvement. I was used to training solo on many of my runs and even swims. However, as I trained in these small communities, I found connection and camaraderie with others. This change turned my journey into one centered on empowerment and connection.

Creating Joyful Systems

After seeing so much success in incorporating these processes into my professional and running life, I began weaving small, joyful practices into other aspects of my daily routine. Simple habits—like enjoying my morning coffee, keeping a gratitude journal, or taking a few quiet moments to reflect—helped me cultivate mindfulness.

A benefit I was surprised to uncover, was my overall mental being and stress had decreased. I was able to let go and trust the flow. Being more in the moment allowed me to be less focused on the idea that once I hit my big goal, all would be well.

The Power of Connection

Connecting with others who are on similar journeys has also enriched my experience. Sharing our ups and downs fosters an environment ripe with support and encouragement. I’ve learned that rather than feeling isolated in my struggles, I can find strength in community. Celebrating milestones—both large and small—together strengthens our connections. I had been fresh out of a divorce, and the community that I was building fulfilled me in more ways than I anticipated.

I built new friendships and started to really be present in the moment. This even translated to time with my four boys after I returned home from work. They could see a real difference in my overall happiness. I laughed more, danced in the kitchen more, and leaned in more to all of the people and love around me.

Focusing on the journey

Through my experience, I’ve come to treasure the process of achieving goals more than the goals themselves. I have realized that goals are important so that we have a direction to strive for. However the personal growth, connections, and well-being along the way is the true gift life has to offer. Overcoming the arrival fallacy allowed me to experience joy in the journey—a realization that has transformed my outlook on life, both personally and professionally.

If you find yourself struggling with the arrival fallacy, I encourage you to take a moment to evaluate your focus. Celebrate your progress, engage with others who uplift you, and design a life filled with more joy in everything you do. After all, the journey is worth it—and it’s one we can celebrate together.