5 things never to say when talking to your boss about a problem

Things go wrong at work. Bad news happens. That’s inevitable. And when these things happen, it’s important to be proactive. That means getting on your boss‘s schedule and talking things through.

When you do have that conversation, there are several ways in which you can make it go better. Here are five things to avoid doing when you sit down with them:

1. Not providing background information

If you’re going to discuss a problem that has significant consequences, you should send your boss some information about the problem before having the conversation. At a minimum, describe the problem and any consequences you are aware of or can reasonably foresee.

There are two reasons to give a heads-up in advance.

First, not every boss is good at taking in bad news quickly. You don’t want to have a conversation that is driven primarily by initial negative feelings. Ensuring your boss knows any negative consequences up front means that you can have a calmer conversation later.

Second, your boss may want to spend some time tracking down a few things before talking to make them better informed. You’re most likely to have a productive talk if they can get up to speed on their own before sitting down with you.

2. Not owning your role

If your actions (or your team’s) had anything to do with the problem, be clear about that up front. Discuss your role clearly. If you bury your contribution to the problem in a sea of words, you’ll lose credibility in the conversation.

It can be difficult to own your mistakes—particularly early in your career when you are trying to make a good impression. Paradoxically, you are most likely to gain the trust of your boss by coming forward with the mistakes you have made quickly and finding out what you can do to fix any problems.

3. Assuming others’ motives

Many problems at work involve other people. When talking about what other people have done, focus on what they did and the consequences of those actions, rather than on assumptions about why the other person did what they did.

You’re unlikely to really know what anyone else’s motives are, and you don’t want to get in an argument about their motives. Understanding what drove someone else to do what they did is also not your problem. If your boss has to address someone else’s behavior, let them work with the other person to understand what led them to act as they did. Stick with the things you can verify.

4. Assuming you know the whole situation

Unless you’re at the very top of the food chain in an organization, it’s unlikely that you have access to every facet of complicated situations that have led to problems. Indeed, there are times where something that has caused you problems is part of a larger effort involving factors that you don’t know about.

It’s useful to make your boss aware of problems that arise. In some cases, those problems were necessary (and even foreseen) consequences of a decision. By communicating just the facts you know, you give your boss a chance to let you know whether there is anything else you might need to know to understand what is happening.

At times, of course, your boss may know about additional information that they are unable to share with you. As admirable as it is for organizations to be transparent about decisions, that isn’t always possible.

5. Arguing

When you bring a problem to your boss and you think that someone else bears responsibility, you may find that your boss focuses on things you could have done differently in that situation. When that happens, it’s natural to defend yourself and to point out ways that what you did is reasonable.

In general, you should avoid arguing back. If your boss has missed an important part of the situation or has misunderstood your role, you should clarify.

Otherwise, resist the urge to get defensive. For one thing, your boss may very well be giving you good advice in that moment. Give yourself a day for your boss’s comments to sink in. You may find that you have learned something important. Even if you still think your actions were justified, arguing with your boss will give the impression that you’re hard to mentor. That might dissuade them from helping you to improve in other situations. In the long run, that’s likely to hinder your learning and your progress in the organization.