4 ways to take on toxic colleagues—and win

The term “paper tiger” refers to an entity or situation that appears powerful and threatening, and in reality, is ineffectual and lacking the claimed significance or status. We may attribute this description to countries, organizations, or industry leaders. Toxic coworkers manifest this behavior, too. Paper tiger colleagues cause conflict—something 85% of us will experience at work. Although we may recognize a paper tiger colleague, it may not be obvious how to handle them.

Years ago, someone I did not know emailed a kind request to assist with an education program. We worked in different departments. Once I said yes, something unexpected happened. The tone of his emails changed from friendly to dictatorial. He assigned me tasks, sent emails asking if I had completed said tasks, and told me to give him updates. In the first and a few other messages, he emphasized his titles and leadership roles.

At an in-person meeting, he spoke down to me and reiterated his list of titles. This matched his email tone and content. I learned that he regularly untitled and uncredentialed people in meetings, addressing men by their formal or professional titles while only addressing women by their first name. Previous workplaces dealt with the unprofessional behavior by encouraging his move to a new job, thereby making him another institution’s challenge.

I checked an organizational chart and confirmed my suspicions: My toxic coworker lacked several of the titles he claimed and he had no power to tell me what to do, nor to demand any deliverables, much less on his authoritarian timeline. After first speaking with a supervisor, with the authority to verify my discoveries and support my decision, I stopped further communications.Workplace colleagues with difficult personalities are common. The paper tiger coworker is certainly not the domain of one gender nor of a specific job level within an organization’s hierarchy. Universally though, they cause unanticipated antagonism, and oftentimes, we are unsure how to act. If you’re faced with a toxic coworker, here are four microskills or small steps you can take to manage the conflict:

Speak with your personal board of directors

Your personal board of directors refers to a team of people personally and professionally on whom you can call for help. They serve as advisors and support for those times when you need advice, or just need to vent. These go-to trusted people can suggest ways to navigate the difficult colleague and talk through options. They are ideal role-play partners when you want to practice holding a difficult conversation with the paper tiger colleague.

Learn your company’s organizational chart

The organizational chart, aka “org chart,” is typically a graphical representation of the workplace structure illustrating hierarchy and relationships. Search your company intranet, access your onboarding materials, or ask your supervisor where you can find it. The org chart gives you a 30,000-foot view of relationships and reporting structures: people in your company to whom you have a direct reporting line, a dotted line, or no line. Sometimes there is no formal org chart available, in which case you can consult the roles and responsibilities delineated in your job description. When you verify the workplace obligations you do or do not have to the paper tiger colleague, you empower yourself and clarify the options and actions you can take.

Inquire carefully

When faced with a conflict at work, pause, take a deep breath, and reflect on next steps. Who can you trust to share the situation? In addition to your personal board members, consider confiding in a teammate or supervisor, not to gossip, but to help determine if what you’ve experienced is a pattern of behavior. Carefully consider those trustworthy people with whom you can speak and use discretion to insure your psychological safety at work. Be mindful of how you share your concerns. Remember that anything you place in writing, e.g. text messages and email communications, can be forwarded.

Learn how bad behavior is handled

How bad behavior has been historically handled is a factor to consider when speaking with supervisors, human resources, or an office of professionalism.. This can be hard to discern until you are personally involved in a difficult situation. Remember that HR works for the institution and employer and not for you. Be prudent and assess what you need and who will be able to help if you decide to take action.Recognizing the unprofessional behavior of a toxic coworker is one step. Realizing your agency and deciding how to proceed is an unquestionably challenging next step. It can be hard to know what to do when faced with the paper tiger colleague. The coworker from the vignette stopped demanding work and emailing when I stopped responding and eventually left and joined another company. Institutions are more powerful than we are as individuals and often have a culture of minimizing toxic behaviors. Yet each of us can learn and apply effective foundational building blocks or microskills like in this scenario, to overcome workplace challenges.