3 tools that can make feedback conversations helpful—and even enjoyable

“I want to give you some feedback.” This must be one of the most dreaded sentences in workplaces. And this sense of dread isn’t only felt by the person on the receiving end.

But what is it about the feedback conversation that creates such dread? After all, feedback gives us crucial information about learning, adjusting, and getting better at what we do.

For a moment, let’s put ourselves in the shoes of the person receiving the dreaded feedback. When you receive feedback you may feel like you are being judged or that you are being told you are in need of their correction. Instantly you are on guard, with your defenses up.

Then there is the discomfort and fear felt by the managers who are in the position of giving feedback. Too often, managers are left to rely on the infamous “sh** sandwich” technique of trying to cushion an uncomfortable truth between slices of positive reinforcement. This approach not only feels artificial but runs counter to human psychology—we are hardwired to identify potential threats. As a result, we will hone in on information we perceive as negative to the detriment of more constructive takeaways.

It is therefore not surprising that many feedback conversations either fail to achieve a positive outcome or are avoided completely. For organizations, the cost of these missed opportunities for better alignment between colleagues and teams as well as the development and learning for the people involved, is incalculable.

Good feedback is crucial for high-performing teams. The good news is that it is possible for the feedback conversation to be a positive and productive experience for all involved.

Here are the three keys to having great feedback conversations that will create learning, enjoyment and performance improvement:

Set the context

The first thing you can do to improve the feedback process at work is to reset the context for the conversation. If traditional feedback conversations have not been productive at your organization, try contextualizing the conversation as an opportunity for growth—rather than an instance of punishment.

It is important to let people know you are going to take a new approach to feedback, with the focus shifting from the perspective of telling and a right or wrong way of doing things, to viewing the feedback session as an opportunity to learn—for both parties.

Step into a new mindset

Next, be sure to step into the mindset of being in partnership with the person you are talking with. A partnership mindset is about sharing perspectives and learning. The conversation is not going to be about you telling them they are wrong and how they can change. Instead, it is about getting curious to understand their perspective.

Curiosity is the antidote to judgment, it unlocks innovation and learning because it puts the person you are talking to at the center of their development. From here, they can increase their sense of awareness and take more responsibility for their work, which are essential for learning and for performance improvement.

Allow the person receiving the feedback to share their perspective first, before the manager or leader gives their perspective. And then, proceed with courtesy by requesting their permission to share feedback. This moves away from the subtext of “You need to listen to what I have to say” to a more respectful “Would it be okay if I told you what I am noticing?”

This approach will activate the curiosity of the person you are talking to, and they will notice and appreciate the respect and partnership you are modeling.

The shift to a partnership mindset shift is the most important part of transforming the feedback conversation. Once you have this new mindset, the person receiving feedback will feel you are beside them and there to support them. They will be able to lower their defenses and be open to learning and finding new opportunities.

Use the GROW feedback framework

The GROW feedback framework is part of the tool kit for transformational leaders. It reflects four distinct stages of career coaching:

• Goal setting for the session as well as the short and long term.  
• Reality checking to explore the current situation.   
• Options and alternative strategies or courses of action.   
• Will questions such as “What is to be done,” “by when,” “by whom,” and “do you have the Will to do it” can move the conversation forward.

A manager can use these simple coaching principles, together with active listening and powerful questions, to transform the feedback conversation into a sharing of perspectives and learning. The value of using GROW is to generate awareness and responsibility in the person. By “awareness” we mean enabling the person to access accurate self-perception as well as awareness of others, of things or of circumstances. This is vital to enhance the person’s capacity for growth and performance, leading to enhanced learning, achievement and enjoyment.

And responsibility is the personal choice to take ownership and to commit to take action. This can only come from inside and cannot be imposed. Increased responsibility leads to enhanced potential, confidence and self-motivation.

How to apply these tools to give better feedback

So how do you apply the GROW feedback framework to have a coaching-style feedback conversation that accelerates learning and improves performance?

You might start by asking the person what goal they are working toward, to provide context for the conversation. This lays the foundation for a productive conversation and gives them the opportunity to explore their progress and gain vital insights that may help them to progress further.

Next, you could consider the reality of the situation. Use powerful questions to encourage the person to be objective and describe in detail what they noticed about what happened, their performance, and their impact.

Next, consider the person’s options. This moves the focus of the conversation towards learning and generating ideas. You can look back for key insights and learning that provide opportunities for enhanced performance, learning and enjoyment. And you can look forward and generate ideas for new things to try. Remember, learning and enjoyment are as important as performance, and can enhance performance.

Toward the end of the conversation, you can use will questions to agree on specific actions they will take, and help you establish clear priorities, timelines, and commitments.

The GROW feedback framework can create learning, choice, and self-motivation. Using this framework can help the person to reach a new sense of clarity which is transformative, and this can happen very quickly.

What’s more, when both parties partner to explore what is going well and the opportunities for growth, this is not only development for the employee. This is an opportunity for managers and leaders to get curious and learn what they can do differently next time. After all, leadership mindsets and behaviors are the biggest factors that influence team performance, and they are within the leader’s control.

Feedback conversations become enjoyable for managers and leaders once they realize they can make a positive difference. And, once we step away from the approach of delivering a message to a colleague that they are broken and need to be fixed, to instead focus on learning and supporting them to move towards their goal, the feedback conversation is more enjoyable and fulfilling for employees, too.