10 tactics to try if you think your boss doesn’t like you

Navigating a strained relationship with your boss can be a challenging and emotionally taxing experience, leaving you drained and potentially looking for a new job. While it’s natural to feel frustrated or disheartened in this situation, understanding the truth and taking proactive steps can immediately bring you resolution.

Below, we have gathered valuable insights from career coaches, people leaders, and other professionals who have successfully navigated this experience. Exploring these strategies—ranging from analyzing the situation objectively to prioritizing clear communication—will arm you with a better understanding of relationship dynamics in the workplace.

Initiate a direct conversation

My biggest recommendation is to have a direct conversation with them. If you sense tension, miscommunication, or differences in work styles, bring it up directly. Approach the conversation in a non-accusatory, collaborative way.

You could say something like, “I’ve noticed some challenges in our working relationship, such as [specific situations]. I’d love to discuss how we can improve our working dynamic. I’d like to share what works best for me and hear more about your preferences as well. I’d like to be intentional about making sure we work well together.”

This conversation can clarify where you stand and provide an action plan to improve your working relationship if needed. If the conversation goes badly and indicates that the relationship isn’t salvageable, it’s good to know that you may need to look for a different role or company. Knowing for sure whether your boss is open to building a strong working relationship with you is valuable information, even if it’s painful to obtain.

Phoebe Gavin, career and leadership coach, Better With Phoebe

Focus on good work

Unless you are a mind reader, you cannot be certain your boss hates you if they haven’t communicated it. You are there to work. If you think you are on your boss’s bad side, focus on doing your job. Do the best you can, and make sure you document everything about your encounter with the boss.

You can use a “Notes” app to write the day/time and summary of every meeting or negative encounter. The records will help if you decide to go forward with your boss’s negativity about you. People rarely end up in perfect work situations, so if the negativity persists even after addressing it, consider leaving the company. Seventy-five percent of employees who quit their jobs do so to leave their bosses, not the company or position.

Tanya Slyvkin, founder and CEO, Whitepage

Use the CARE framework

Think of your relationship with your boss like a bridge—if it’s shaky, you’ll want to reinforce it. Request a one-on-one meeting to get constructive feedback. Approach it as an opportunity to build understanding and improve.

A clear sign you might be on thin ice is if your boss becomes distant or cuts back on communication. It’s like driving a car and noticing the road signs disappear—something’s off.

The CARE Framework is done by communicating directly, acknowledging you understand the feedback (and are working on it), responding promptly, and evaluating by following up and showing progress.

This method helps rebuild trust and demonstrates your commitment to improvement.

Mauro Nardocci, marketing and leadership expert, The Economist Top 10 Ocean Changemaker, Sounding Board

Confront with honesty and curiosity

Does your boss really hate you or have you been making it up in your mind? A few years ago I was working for a very challenging senior leader. Some days I felt like I was the strongest asset in her very large team and others all I wanted to do was crawl under my desk and disappear because she was so rude to me. Truth is: It’s hard to know for sure whether they hate you or not.

But here’s what I know now with absolute certainty: Whether or not your boss actually hates you is not a reflection of who you are or your performance. We often hate in others what we hate in ourselves. So my first suggestion is to shift your own perspective about the situation, fully accepting that their behavior towards you has more to do with them than with you.

Years after I left the organization I reconnected with my challenging leader and she explained how she was going through a rough phase both personally and professionally at the time. She was severely sleep-deprived and clearly not being the best version of herself.

The only telltale sign that you may not be on your boss’s good side is if their terrible behavior is exclusively targeted at you (in which case you might be looking at a discrimination case).

Regardless, here’s the one thing I would do: Ask. That’s right, be blunt, share your experience and feelings, and ask. I’m not suggesting to be emotional, but rather factual.

“Hey, there’s something I’d like to share. You have made such and such comments about me lately, and it’s not contributing to my enjoyment at work. I feel belittled and criticized. I strive to give this job my all and do it in a way that’s enjoyable. So I have to ask, do you have a problem with me or the quality of my work?”

Most people shy away from confronting but when done with honesty and genuine curiosity you may get very surprised by the depth of the conversation.

Caroline Gaudy, executive coach, Caroline Gaudy

Address limited interactions proactively

When your boss avoids interacting with you regularly, it’s a dead giveaway that they dislike you. What do I include in “interacting”? For example, if they don’t respond to your messages, rarely call you, or only get in touch when they need to assign work or give you a hard time, this can be a clear sign of their bad attitude.

I recommend being sincere and proactive in addressing this. Speak honestly with your boss. You might say, “I’ve noticed our interactions have been a bit limited lately. Is there something I can do to improve our working relationship?” This will show your maturity and willingness to resolve the situation. While I know it may be daunting, it’s really worth the effort.

I strongly believe that approaching the issue head-on is the best step you can take. It can lead to better understanding and a more positive work environment. So please, don’t hesitate to have an open discussion—it can make all the difference, trust me.

Think of it as an opportunity to clear the air and potentially strengthen your professional relationship. Because what’s the worst thing that can happen? Maybe you’ll realize that you and your boss will never “work out,” but then why should you bear such an attitude in the first place? An honest one-on-one talk will show your commitment to better change.

Mike Sadowski, founder and CEO, Brand24

Document potential discrimination

If an employee suspects that their boss dislikes them, my primary recommendation from a legal standpoint is to document any instances of potentially discriminatory or retaliatory behavior. This documentation should include dates, specific actions or comments made by the boss, and any witnesses to these events. Maintaining a detailed record is crucial should the situation escalate and require formal action.

A telltale sign that an employee may be on their boss’s bad side, especially from a legal perspective, includes being consistently passed over for promotions, receiving disproportionately negative performance reviews without justification, or experiencing sudden changes in job duties that could be seen as punitive. If these actions are linked to the employee’s protected characteristics (e.g., race, gender, age) or protected activities (e.g., filing a complaint, whistleblowing), they might constitute unlawful discrimination or retaliation.

A practical step an employee should take is to address the issue professionally and seek clarity. They should request a meeting with their boss to discuss their concerns, framed around a desire to understand and improve their performance. During this meeting, the employee should remain calm and fact-focused, asking for specific feedback and guidance. If the situation does not improve, or if the employee believes they are being treated unfairly based on protected characteristics or activities, they should consider speaking with HR or consulting an employment lawyer to explore their options for legal recourse.

Ed Hones, attorney at law, Hones Law Employment Lawyers PLLC

Avoid jumping to conclusions

I think hate is a really strong word and implies that your boss has malice against you. Most of the time, that’s not the case. Your boss probably has so many things on their mind that he or she might be short with you only because they’ve got other priorities.

If you think you might be on your boss’s bad side, one telltale sign is to consider how they act or react around you as opposed to your colleagues. Do they respect your opinions? The only way to know for sure is to schedule some time with your boss to have a one-on-one conversation. In your meeting, display poise and confidence, and for goodness’ sake, don’t jump to conclusions or accusations.

Start the conversation by saying, “I get the sense that there’s some tension between us. I’d like to improve our working relationship, but I don’t know how. Is there some way that we can both work together to strengthen our relationship?” If they’re genuine about improving your relationship, it’ll show.

Amit Doshi, founder and CEO, MyTurn

Come prepared with solutions

While there may exist an evil caricature of a boss who longs to destroy your career and make you miserable, real people are far more nuanced. So forget your feelings and analyze the facts. Identify what your manager is doing, list potential rationales for the action, check your assumptions, and suggest a remedy that will benefit you both.

Feeling belittled by a micromanager? Hurt by a lack of interesting work coming your way? Shelve the emotions and investigate. Perhaps you’re new to the company, role, or task and need to earn trust. Perhaps your performance is substandard, and you need additional training. Or maybe you are a rock star and the boss feels threatened.

Once you isolate the “hateful” behavior and list objective rationales, you can openly discuss the issue with your manager. Just come prepared with potential solutions. The strategy appeals to their self-interest, awarding them a more productive employee or, in the case of the insecure leader, an ally.

Tim Toterhi, CHRO, Plotline Leadership

Communicate face-to-face

Watch how your boss interacts with others. Is it similar to their behavior with you? This helps calibrate whether their behavior is par for the course or particular to your relationship.

A decrease or lack in communication—about work or personal lives—would likely indicate something is straining the rapport. When we like someone, we show interest in them and their pursuits. If communication is bottoming out between you and your boss, try to set some time to chat with them face-to-face. Emails and messages can be missed or misinterpreted; seeing one another in person, and talking about a positive subject—perhaps an upcoming launch or go-live—can help bring some transparency to the situation and set both parties up for a better relationship.

Sarah Watters, head behavioral scientist, 50 West

Prioritize useful feedback

In any workplace, it’s not uncommon for employees to feel misaligned with their supervisors, occasionally leading to the perception that their boss may harbor negative feelings towards them.

One indicator that you might be on your boss’s bad side is a noticeable lack of engagement in your work. If you find that your manager provides minimal feedback, avoids one-on-one check-ins, or seems disinterested when discussing your projects, pay attention. This may signal that there is a disconnect in the working relationship that needs addressing.

If you suspect your boss dislikes you, the best way to approach the situation is to initiate an open dialogue, which is the first and most effective action you can take. Often, misunderstandings stem from a lack of communication or differing work styles.

Remember, perceptions can be misleading. Taking the initiative to communicate openly can change the dynamic of your relationship and foster a more positive work environment. After all, a productive workplace thrives on collaboration and understanding, and embracing these principles can turn your concerns into opportunities for growth.

Nannapat Sage, executive coach, Potentia